my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize