we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
