This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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