I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
3pm strippers are depressing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize