I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
