I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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