people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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