I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
