Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
vagina is talking i cant
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
