will power is for people who don't want to get laid
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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