Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
