Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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