this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
