the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
