So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
