when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
