those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
