The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
