Pappa wants mamma naked
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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