she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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