TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
