what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
