the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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