do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
