She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize