: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im holly from the hills drunk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
