Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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