so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
