today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
