I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im six kinds of drunk right now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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