Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
