So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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