I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
