I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize