There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
