I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
