so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
