I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
