Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
