Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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