I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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