I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
