so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
