someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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