My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize