I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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