the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
