I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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