hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
