i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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