Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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