There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
