she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize