i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
