If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
