I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
