apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
