i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
