Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
