I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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