It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize