You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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