Soap is not a condiment
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize