Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize