your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
