6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
