I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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