Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
