I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
