Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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