I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
