you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize