Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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