I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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